The Key

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A look ,a touch , a cup of tea ,

I wish I knew what was the key

to  relax ,renew and  let things   be

Just lay back and roll the dice

Trust that the journey would suffice

Be it through fire or through ice

I wish I knew what to do ,

to ease those furrows on  your brow ,

and snub resentment ; lest it grow .

Should  I listen  or should I  speak

how do I offer the comfort I seek

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5 Emotions and a Person

Lists seem to be all of a rage recently . There seems to be a list  for  just about everything – ranging from the ridiculously mundane (5 ways to comb your hair) to  seriously outrageous( 5 ways to dump your boyfriend ). In any case , it looks like they  are here to stay .if you cant fight them , its best to join them .

Pregnancy and child birth  are said to be life altering events . Well , I just had no idea about the magnitude of that alteration until I experienced it . Every emotion has a range. The following are 5 emotions I  thought I  knew prior to being pregnant , only to discover that I had barely skimmed their lower octaves all my life  ,

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1, Fear -No one can live 25+ years without having experienced this emotion . But until you are pregnant , you don’t experience  gut wrenching fear . The kind that grips you when the   grim sonographer is silent for long stretches  during an ultrasound  . You don’t know fear until  they tell  you that your baby’s heart beat  is dropping while in labor , The kind of fear that leaves an acidic after taste. Its the kind of fear that would make you pray.plead ,beg,threaten and sell your soul to whoever offers to set it right . Fear –  At its most intense

2. Pain -Physical and mental . Sure , we have been through all sorts of pain in life . But , ladies its  not a myth , there is nothing as painful as labor .When the calm voice states after 8 long hours -‘You are only 3 cms dilated , at this rate , it would take another 16-24 hrs “, all you want to do is faint .  Pain – in all its glory .

3. Embarrassment –  Haha , Well , let me tell you , between your first physical examination and  your last , you would have turned all shades of pink .And having experienced that , you are certain you would never  blush ever again . Embarrassment – in all its squeamishness

4, Love – You have been in love before .You think you know all the facets of love – from the platonic to the romantic . And then you hold your child . And then he smiles . And you fall . Never to get  up again . Love  – in its all encompassing beauty.

5. Contentment – You have always been Inherently  restless and   on the lookout for the next peak to scale . What is this strange feeling that creeps into you while you rock your child . Tired arms and dreamy  eyes  . Innocent eyes and toothless  grins . Contentment- In full bloom ..

Starting with a heart beat  and culminating with a baby  , the entire  nine months is nothing short of a miracle . And in this process, you come to understand the one person who has always been there  for you .  You gain a new appreciation for  all that she  has done and continues to do and what it must have cost her.  You now have a new hero .  Your Mom .

Embrace your inner ‘Aunty’

In India , once you are married and/or look like you might be more than 20 yrs older than the 6 year old kid squealing at  you  , you are immediately called an ‘Aunty’. The first time this happened to me I was in quite a shock . I am quite unlikely to forget the incident as well ,as I was surrounded by my completely irreverent sister who echoed those words in laughing glee all the way home .

Off late , I  seem  to bear it with a  kinda resigned acceptance . After all , I am definitely 20 years older than the kid . And I will have my revenge on all those moms when my kid is born and learns to speak . MUHAHAA (EVIL SMILE).

I have also come to the conclusion that  youth is  extremely overrated . And  being older is in fact extremely liberating for all the below reasons

1.In-Trend -I was never much of a fashionista and  I really thought that most of the clothes that were ‘in’ were just plain uncomfortable. And throughout my youth , I used to dress in strictly comfortable clothes. Consequently ,  I was often admonished for not making an effort to look any good 🙂 .When I see a 15 year old in a mini skirt on a cold winter’s  night in Delhi , I have to admit  that she does  look uber cool with her  perfect skin and high heels . Yet when there is a sudden blast of chilly air , I pull my coat  closer and stay blissfully warm . I would take comfortably warm over uber cool any day . And now that I am older -I don’t  even have to pretend that I care

2. Boy Talk -A significant portion of time in a ‘girls’ gang is taken up over who is dating who and why . Not that I don’t like my share of gossip , but frankly this incessant fixation on relationships used to just irritate the hell out of me when I was younger . Now that I am older , when a girl asks me why the guy she is interested in is so not interested in her , I can tell her straight out that -‘baby that’s because you were busy ignoring him till 2 days back and he is tired of games ‘.  You don’t even have to feign sympathy to these types any more  🙂 .

3. Peer Pressure – Lets all accept it , no matter how supremely self confident you were when you were  younger , every single one of us did face some amount of peer pressure . And whether you succumbed to it or not , it did cause its fair share of insecurity and bitterness . Now that  you are older , you are much more comfortable in your own skin and a lot less susceptible to letting another’s  opinion define you .

In conclusion ,once  you are past the angst of youth,you can relish and enjoy things that you truly love .There is no point in denying that you are no longer 20 . There is no grace in  behaving like a sullen teenager just because people around you put up with it . There is no need for the desperation that I see on a lot of women’s face when confronted with their age . There is no need to be ‘wannabe’ . Just be you .  Laugh often . Surround yourself with beautiful things . Do things that you like doing . Find time for your friends . Remember that  you don’t have to fit in to any crowd . If you truly fit , the crowd accommodates and enjoys  your peculiarities  .So  just go  ahead and embrace your inner aunty 😉

The year of dreams

The year of dreams

 Promises of a new beginning
A belief that this would be a happy ending
Whispers of hope carried through the air
Breathing through the icy blades of despair
There is something you can dream about
Something for which you can reach out
Something for which you are destined
A treasure trove for you to find
From struggles to success you will reach
Every fortress of fear you will breach
Can you hear that song wafting in the breeze
A song of hope which will never cease
Rejoice anew for it seems
That the year ahead is the year of dreams

dreams

A spell

dreams

Why do I fall under its spell

When I only know too well

That words would fail to tell

Whats so heady about a moonlit night

Or why my pulse races at a trick of light

Why does that melody move me to tears

Why is its tug on the heart so fierce

Why does eloquence have its limits

in expressing ideas as yet unfinished

When it is  but a misty wish

Indefinite,  elusive , yet sorely missed

Caught in the allure of an illusion it would seem

I am chasing half formed  glittering dreams

A woman in a man’s world

women“We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly.”

Even in this day and age , a powerful woman still is an anomaly .Whenever I see a woman in senior management positions , I am awed . I truly am . Because , the fact of the matter is , the social mores that women have to conform to have not changed one little bit . You can be the senior Vice President at  work ,but  you would still be the primary care giver at home . Is this fair . No . But at the moment , at least within my generation I don’t see this changing .Which is why those women are  amazing . Out of the ordinary . Because for  a woman , the choice comes down to -career or family . And  that is such a cruel choice.

The number of really confident , smart , skilled women who  have left the workforce after marriage /children is too huge. Mind you , they did not leave it because they did not want to work , they did because they could no longer efficiently juggle the pressures of home and office . And that to me is a tragedy . Its such a waste of potential , of dreams , of aspirations, While graduating  from college,that girl would have had hopes to make it big . To give up on that midway , because of biology, is just  sad . And what’s sadder is  this blunt resignation  that there is but no other way .

Of course , I do realize that not everyone wants to work all life . A lot many women are happiest at home . I have no issues with that . What I  have problem with, is this invalidation of the power to choose . This assumption that it has to be either this or that . Hell I want it all, I want to be Vice President and wife and mother and daughter. Its difficult and I will probably go crazy before that . But I want to have the right to at least make a decent attempt . And sure , corporate life is really not as rosy as its made out to be . Midway through ,  I may want to quit. When I am tired of all the dirty politics,and  of the sycophancy. I  may quit , when I can no longer stifle the urge to scream-“Emperor you have  no clothes” . But it will be my choice .

And i do realize I sound naive , I am neither Vice President nor a mother right now and I already have my hands full . But its frustrating , how easily people accept it as inevitable  . Hell at the rate  woman are dropping out of the workforce , it would soon be called  the glass floor not ceiling . And any attempt to modify the above scenario earns you the  tag of  a feminist .

I wish that I bring up my daughter so that she

  • Never plays victim
  • Knows her mind and can make decisions
  • Respects others and herself .
  • Explores the world and  is exposed to different world views .
  • is strong confident and kind .
  • Expects nothing less than the best and gives nothing less than that .

Funny I would wish the same things for my son .

And if that makes me a feminist  so be it .

Think of me

Journey _images

Will you think of me
As you watch,
The last embers light up the sky
An orange bloom-
reminiscent of sparks that fly

Will you think of me ,
When you sense magic
In the air you breathe
An unsung melody
That moves trees in the breeze

Will you think of me,
When beauty spills and explodes
Into experiences -poignant and bold

And although i may not hear
the sounds you hear
Or the sights you see
Will you think of me,
While you are on your journey

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